Why Bonjour is not optional
Politeness is not simply good behavior or part of the French culture. It's the social architecture that holds this city together.
Bonjour,
There is a small rule in Paris that many newcomers learn the hard way: You cannot ask for anything before you say Bonjour Madame or Bonjour Monsieur.
Not a bus ticket.
Not a baguette.
Not even directions.
Although, I have to admit: sometimes I feel like I’m “overdoing” it … But it’s really a thing! 😂
This letter is about a non-negotiable form of politeness. And its beauty when it provides comfort abroad.
In Paris, form comes before feeling.
And strangely, that order makes the city feel very human.
Small rituals, great comfort
In a dense city where people live close but rarely know each other, warmth is not guaranteed. Form is.
Bonjour might be the smallest of all possible rituals:
I see you.
You see me.
We acknowledge each other’s presence before we transact.
To newbies, this can feel very formal. Almost rigid. But what looks distant is often stabilizing. Paris is not about instant emotional connection. It relies on codes.
You do not need to be warm.
First, you need to be correct.
And this can be a source of stability in a foreign language.
When Parisians drop the formality
In Paris, politeness is the default setting: Form comes first. Distance is respected. Codes are observed.
Which is precisely why it matters so much when those codes soften. Because when a Parisian drops the formality, it’s never accidental.
In many cultures, friendliness is immediate. In Paris, it’s progressive.
You start with distance.
You move toward ease.
And when someone becomes informal with you, it’s intentional. For sure.
You don’t owe everyone intimacy. But when you offer it, let it be real.
Tiny practice for the week 👋
Notice how quickly you move into familiarity.
Do you rush intimacy?
Do you skip formal structure?
This week, try allowing connection to unfold more slowly.
And enjoy the comfort of a simple bonjour.
Parisian politeness in action
The perfect place to practice Parisian politeness: la boulangerie. Here are a few (random) recommendations:
🥐 Sain Boulangerie for organic sourdough bread (3ème & 10ème)
🥐 Mamiche to get your sweet treat (9ème & 10ème)
🥐 Du pain et des idées for home-made bread and pizza (10ème)
🥐 Copain for excellent gluten-free options (several shops across Paris)
Where is your go-to-boulangerie? Feel free to share your recommendations in the comments!
Bises from Paris,
Lena